3 Real Life Couples On Finding Love In A Hopeless Place
By which we mean online dating apps. (Read: Tinder.) We got half of each couple to tell us how it all began, that nervous first date and how it became love.| February 14, 2018
In the Sex and the City episode titled “Where There’s Smoke…” an exasperated – and drunk – Charlotte York exclaims, “I’m nice. I’m pretty, and smart! I’m a catch! I’ve been dating since I was fifteen! I’m exhausted! Where is he?!” That may have been a full eighteen years ago, but the sentiment lives on for singletons everywhere today. We feel you, Charlotte, we really do.
In a post-modern era where a good part of our lives revolve around social media, the quest for meaningful relationships, much less love, seems more indirect and harder than ever. Our Love & Relationships columnist Min has had more than several horrendously funny encounters on Tinder – and we’re not even counting those that opened conversations with “DTF?”
Is finding love really that much harder than it was, say, two decades ago? As the world evolves, so does the way we socialise with each other, and by that definition, so does the way we date and find love. While social media and dating apps can at times seem like a hopeless, down-trodden place, just remember that there probably is someone out there on the other side who feels the same way. Suffice to say, they’re not all creeps, a conclusion that I came to after realising that I am literally surrounded by couples who were formed via Tinder. They’re all so good for each other it really makes you go “awww”.
To mark the crescendo of our “Relationships” month, we sought out the female halves of three couples that we personally know to tell us how it all began, the expectations, the love and a little bit of advice for those thinking about finding love in said hopeless place.
KAMES & AUND
“It was right about when I was ready to lose all hope in the elusive promise of finding anything remotely real to a partner on Tinder when an overly confident man started a conversation. His opening line, “It’s 2017, isn’t it time for women to initiate conversations on Tinder?” By now, I had been on two futile dates and grown uninterested in the concurrent conversations I was engaged in with multiple matches. The initial introduction or rather the lack thereof was a refresher, one that caught me off guard. He was either a male chauvinist pig with a ego bigger than his head or a man with a sense of humour, which I quickly figured was the latter.
The conversation was never-ending and I was not nearly as entertained or intrigued by any other guy, in real life or on any dating app. I knew I never wanted the conversations to end and lucky me, they didn’t. The conversations developed into voice notes, later an intoxicated phone call – this one’s on me – and about a little over a week later, a date. Unbeknownst to me, my makeup was apparently unblended and my nerves, through the roof (I was basically a giggly mess and wearing the band t-shirt of a band I didn’t actually listen to). Aund on the other end of the spectrum was cool and collected, just as he had sounded over our phone conversations. By the end of the date, I wasn’t entirely sure if this ripped denim jacket and hoop earrings donning cool kid would even text me back. But, he did and in a couple of days, this February marks our second Valentine’s Day together, all of which would not have happened if I had deleted the app when I had initially intended to.
The thing about Tinder that I learnt from my time on it is that it really is a game of luck. And with luck, things can easily swing both ways. Dating is meant to be fun and keeping your expectations low helps. Keep an open mind, heck, even let your friends swipe on your behalf. That just makes it all the more exciting, there’s no way in knowing what you’ll find, the good or the bad. The former holds the possibility of something more and well, at least the bad ones would make for good stories to tell.”
TABITHA & MAX
“After wading through the (mostly) toxic cesspool that is Tinder, I had amassed 1300 matches, of which about 25 materialised into actual dates, of which maybe eight progressed beyond a third date, and further, of which zero are people I care enough to meet again. These are depressing numbers, but I’m pleased to report that I’ve made it out the other side alive, well and with a success story to tell.
I met Max on Tinder after re-downloading the app ‘just for fun’ – no, but this time REALLY just for fun – and wasn’t searching for love or another warm body, just the vague promise of talking to a hot boy with an interesting story. I quickly realised he was both, and so much more. On our second date, we tried to break into an abandoned theme park, which ended in us running from security and him ripping his jeans while climbing the fence. Fast forward five months and we’re still together, currently updating a shared Google Document with things we want to do and places we want to go. It is cheesy, but in so many ways, sweet. I never expected to find someone who shared my values and complemented my contradictions in the best possible way – with curiosity, respect and twice the cleverness. It could have come 1299 matches earlier, but right now? I couldn’t feel happier.”
ROXANNE & CHONG WEN
“Chong ‘super liked’ my profile and I swiped right on him. He seemed like a douche at first and he started the chat with a shitty ice breaker. I didn’t really want to talk to him, but I found out that we had mutual friends and after awhile, the conversation didn’t stop. I wasn’t expecting anything out of Tinder because I have been on it for so long and everything has been casual fun and games, so this wasn’t really anything out of the norm.
We went on a date after two weeks of talking and it seemed like forever before he asked me out. I think it had to do with him receiving a letter of National Service out of the blue and having to enlist in less than a week. We went on a few dates here and there, and towards the end, I felt like I wasn’t ready to commit in such a short time frame. But, we continued talking while he was in camp and went on another official date after he booked out. Things just took off from there.
Things are great now. Truthfully, I cant imagine my life without him. Looking back, I wouldn’t have replied if i hadn’t realised we had mutual friends. I remember him making me laugh so much on the first date, to the point where I couldn’t differentiate a fork from a spoon. I feel that any app that allows you to meet people can be a dating app. It doesn’t have to be Tinder. That said, an online dating app is not entirely a hopeless place to look for love in, but I feel that people get the misconception that it is meant exclusively for that. Sometimes, all you needs it to find a friend, meet someone new, and then you get the love part in check. The falling in love takes place outside of the app, so really, Tinder is just a way to meet new people. The reality of the world just takes its own course after that.”
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